Bowling and Other

I got back recently from the bowling night fund raiser for Persona Undergraduate Literary Magazine (buy one when they come out at the end of the semester). It was fun. Five tickets including my own isn't too bad of an effort on my part, I think. The night was fun. Fluke among flukes, I beat Jesse in our second game with what has been confirmed as my best game. I pulled a very respectable 169. I savored a few moments of bliss from this along with some banter with Katy about the folly and ridiculousness of the music industry (always amusing) and other things (also amusing). And now Brigid and I can plan our romantic interludes without so much secrecy since Jesse gave me the okay to have quick, guilt-free sex with her. He's such a generous fellow, really. I mean, I wouldn't prostitute out my girlfriend unless I was getting money out of it, but I guess I'm just old fashioned in that way. You're a real pal, Jesse.

On a totally unrelated note, I happen to find this website absolutely hilarious. It's all the typical Christian fallacies brought together in what can be best described as a convention of the nutty and the illogical. (I think religions should have conventions, just so I can make puns about them conning) Anywhozzle, take a look if you have a strong stomach. Such concentrated doses of logical fallacies rock my insides harder than a vat of jalapeñocheesebeefgrease.

One last thing: I think I have the answer to why the Christian church has been so fixated on sex and sexuality for so long. I believe it has something to do with the first seriously organized conception of the Christian faith, the Roman Catholic Church, having their leader dress up to be shaped like a penis.
Seriously, the dude's hat is all phallic-y. I suppose if you're going to be a bunch of total pricks, you ought to dress the part. Let's not forget that Mother Theresa was Catholic, and she was fucking awful.

Deathly Hallows Cover

The cover art for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was released today. So, I thought I would share because I'm just so damned excited about it. The release date is July 21st, and I can barely contain my schoolgirl-esque glee.

Here's the UK children's cover (Because the adult version is lame):


And here is the full US cover (which is the artwork that I prefer):

Source

Fisting and God's Will

...some couples may wonder if it is appropriate for a wife to fist her husband if he enjoys anal stimulation. In most cases, a wife indulging her husband’s desire to receive light anal play is not problematic in the context of a healthy sexual relationship. A wife may even anally penetrate her partner with a strap-on dildo if he enjoys this, and if their respective roles as husband and wife are secure outside of the bedroom.

However, because of the intense nature of the act of fisting and the degree of surrender and submission involved in being fisted, a couple should first look deeply into their own hearts and pray for guidance as to whether it is wise for the wife to fist the husband. They should undertake this only if their relationship is such that the husband can assume a submissive and passive role during a sexual act, while afterward still maintaining his role as the spiritual head of the household and leader in the marriage. Our article on Christian BDSM also addresses this issue.

I seriously could not make this stuff up. Make sure to check out the other articles on there as well. It is seldom that I have no words. This is one of those times.

New Title

I thought I would take the time to say something about my new title. I'm becoming more and more of a lit nerd as time goes by, so I'll admit it's a reference to a poem by William Wordsworth: "Intimations on Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood." But since I'm an American and I demand short, quick, and clever titles that still give a sense of the entire work (that don't at all put any pressure on the writer. At all.), I call it "The Intimations Ode."

Here's the stanza:

Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:
The Soul that rises with us, our life's Star,
Hath had elsewhere its setting,
And cometh from afar:
Not in entire forgetfulness,
And not in utter nakedness,
But trailing clouds of glory do we come
From God, who is our home:
Heaven lies about us in our infancy!
Shades of the prison-house begin to close
Upon the growing Boy,
But He beholds the light, and whence it flows,
He sees it in his joy;
The Youth, who daily farther from the east
Must travel, still is Nature's Priest,
And by the vision splendid
Is on his way attended;
At length the Man perceives it die away,
And fade into the light of common day.

I like it because it's an image of a loss of innocence. But knowledge replaces innocence which is ultimately a favorable trade. That's a very cursory explanation, but I'm at work and I ought to be reading Paradise Lost.

Two Special Kinds of Joy

I'd like to take a moment out of my usually bitter attitude to mention two things that just make me happy.

The first: that feeling you get just before you're tipsy. Everything just seems better in that ever-so-floaty state. I wish I knew the amount of alcohol and the rate I would have to consume it in order to maintain that feeling over longer periods of time.

The second: finding an unexpectedly good parking spot. I always try the lot near the Engineering building for my Thursday night shift, but I never actually expect to get a spot, as it's a small lot and in a high traffic area. In that case, I have a back-up lot that's unpleasantly further away. But every once and a while, I get a spot, and it fills me with simple-hearted glee. This is compounded when I know it's the last spot in the lot, and I see cars coming in after me. That's joy plus schadenfreude. That's the best of both worlds, baby.

First Choice

I've been doing a wee bit o' research on grad programs, and I think I've come up with my top choice. It seems to be everything that I want in a school. It would probably send me into horrific amounts of debt as it's a private college in New York. Sarah Lawrence, you and I shall be cleaved to one another. Oh yes, it shall be so.

...please let me into your school

Conclusion

I have decided that too many people I know are getting married and/or spawning. I was fine when it was still, "Hey, you know RandomPerson from high school? They're baking baby batter into baby cakes." And since baby cakes sound disturbingly delicious, I was fine. Now with the sister-type getting all engaged-like, it feels like they're closing in, and the two half-used rolls of aluminum foil we have in the house might not be enough to keep them from infiltrating my brainpan with thoughts of soccer practice and gift registries.

So, my course of action is this: the next person who is closely connected to me that gets engaged/married/impregnated is going to have their sex changed, forcibly, by me. I won't go into all of the gory details, but it would involve either a hard kick to the testicular area to create a pseudo-vaginal cavity or voodoo magic and a kielbasa sausage. Do not provoke me.

Also, my congratulations to you Amanda, I am very happy for you. *emoticon*

Pseudomamma

This has got to be the weirdest thing I've seen in a while. I sat for a while trying to think of an appropriate pun, but I came up with nothing. I am convinced that there has got to be some wordplay to be had with this. How could there not?

All Gussied-Up

Today while I was awaiting my new glasses to be completed, I took a jaunt over to Border's to gander at some books that I lust over. While looking for The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins, I see an unfamiliar section: "Metaphysical Studies." I am suitably confused since I already saw the Philosophy section, and Philosophy can't really be condensed into that single discipline even if I hadn't. As I approached to investigate, it struck me as to which section I had yet to see in the new layout: New Age. Lo and behold, Metaphysical Studies cobbles together tarot, Nostradamus, crystals, and other such vagueries.

Does this remind anyone else of creationism transmorgified into intelligent design? Same loony business with a new name to make it sound more intellectual and beard-strokey.