Pet Peeve

I figured out one of my pet peeves today, or rather, I was inspired. I was engaging in one of my favorite activities: farting about on the internet while upstairs in my room. Then, floating on up from downstairs were the sounds of one the most annoying things that a person can do. I am referring to the "pet voice." As far as I know, Science has not indicated that raising the pitch of one's voice and making gibberish noises does not form a mental link between a person and a pet to communicate the deep reservoir of feeling that that person has for that particular lower life form. However, there are tests that indicate that it is irritating as all get-out. Said tests were conducted at the International Institute of Ryan Wanting to Flog Somone of IIRWFS (Pronounced: ear-wufs).

I also believe people become too attached to pets. Pets do not live as long as people. There should be no surprise when Scruffles gets doggy cancer and dies. You should, by no means pay thousands of dollars for Scruffles's operation to give him an extra couple of years. How about the single mother that has to make the decision between paying rent and feeding her family? Or how about the people suffering in Africa? Scruffles should take one for the team. On second thought, why don't you say screw those in need of aid and buy yourself a nice, new plasma TV. You're hurting. Your poor puppy-wuppykins is dead. God Bless America.