A Grievance

There's something that bothers me in relation to Facebook. Let's put aside for a moment that it's a complete and utter waste of time as well as being little more than stalker's directory. My beef is relatively minor, but reflects something a whole lot bigger. It bothers me when people list The Bible under their favorite books. I'd be willing to bet vital parts of my anatomy that a very low percentage of the people who credit this sacred text as one of their favorite reads has actually read much of it. Because let's be honest, who reads the Bible anymore? It's a lot easier to take whatever anyone in the clergy says at face value and stick with the populist view of Christianity. Why would someone claiming a religion actually read what it's actually about? That's just damned crazy talk. The bottom line: don't list the Bible as a favorite book. I'm sure you enjoyed Harry Potter or The Da Vinci Code a lot more than the handful of verses you read when you were still going to church.

A smash hit

Last semester I joined a fiction club. It was an informal meeting every other week that three people (including myself) from my fiction class went to. This semester it came about that we wanted this club made official. We are now recognized by the ASUA and get all the perks of being an official club. It's not as exciting as it sounds; all we get is a room to meet in and a listing in the clubs. Well, for the first few meeting we had, it was just me as the Treasurer and Virginia as the President. Some club, eh? This week, however, marked an exciting new chapter. It was the second meeting in a row that people other than the two of us showed up to. Watch out English & Creative Writing Club, we's gonna kick you in the buttocks. Thickening Plots all up in the hizzy.

That would make too much sense, huh?

MacGyver really ought to just carry a gun.

'Nuff said

Facebook depresses me

Spring Break, we mourn thee

Spring Break is officially over. Classes begin tomorrow, and I'm pretty sad about that. I was out tonight with friends and we were joking about how we were all going to drop out of college. The scary part about that is that the idea was seriously appealing to me. It's something I really don't think I'd ever do, but it did make a lot of sense. Me being in college is pretty useless. Once I graduate, I have to find some unrelated job in order to make money. Bartender, flight attendant, teacher, fire fighter, etc. These are all things I've considered or still considering.

I really can't complain though about classes starting again. All I have tomorrow is Japanese and I believe all we're doing is going over the midterm. That means I ought to be working on Syntax homework, but I undoubtedly won't. It's off to the shower for me. These luscious curls won't hydrate themselves.

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig

I'm back in Tucson. There's not a whole lot to report. The house was a mess when we got home. I really appreciated that. There's nothing like coming home after a week away to a dirty house. Very awesome.

In Kingman Jesse and I stopped and toured the Mohave County Sheriff's Department. That was interesting. I'm sure Jesse will go into more detail.

Once back in Tucson, we ate at Cracker Barrel. Sausage and biscuits are the yums. After that, we went to see V for Vendetta. It's an incredible movie. Go see it.

I'm back at the house now just laying about. I need to change my pillowcase now, so I'll wrap this up.

Continuing Adventures

Our adventures in Bullhead City are coming to an end soon. And what adventures there were! We went to Scooters. You tell me in all seriousness that you’re not jealous. I know you are. Anywhozzle, Scooter’s is for mini golf. It smelled like poo there. I was doing very well, but then started sucking, so Jesse beat me.

There has been cribbage at which I have kicked Jesse’s tail many a time. There has been Gamecube. We pretty much haven’t done anything that we couldn’t have done in Tucson. Oh, that’s not true. We went to Nevada. You can’t do that in Tucson. That was exciting.

That’s really all. We’ll be heading back to Tucson on Friday. Jesse got the hook-up and is going to a NCAA women’s basketball game. It’ll be nice to be back in Tucson. I don’t really want classes to start again, but there’s no helping that.

"Do you need a break from modern livin'?"

Jesse and I successfully reached the bustling metropolis that is Bullhead City. The adventures had by us have been numerous with many sure to come. Near Kingman it started snowing. Snowing. What is that all about?

There was this a BMW that we were on the level with that was doing some seriously awesome driving. It became our friend on the road. When we passed it coming near Kingman, I noticed that the driver happened to be a female type, and a cute one at that. Jesse nearly creamed himself. If he had the chance, I’m sure he would have proposed.

Jesse was also very excited by two cute girls that were in a Honda Civic. I didn’t see them, but Jesse seemed very ardent about it, so I don’t doubt him.

Here comes the exciting bit:
We had an altercation on the road with an idiot in a Dodge truck and a Suburban in front of us. Jesse and I figure that at some point we passed the Dodge earlier on, and this guy felt the need to assuage his ego by getting back in front of us. He sped up past us and gave us a look. And the look was not to invite us for tea and crumpets.

At this point, Jesse had the understandable, “Oh shit, son. No you didn’t” reaction. He wasn’t going to let the truck into what was already a fairly small opening between us and the Suburban, so got closer. The guy in true dillhole fashion, then tries to edge us out by coming into our lane, you know with us still in it. You also must understand that this was all happening within 8 feet of the Suburban in front us. So, I’m sure most everyone who reads this knows Jesse, and as you would imagine, he didn’t back down. The guy backed off, and Jesse entered a new chapter in his driving saga. He gave the guy the deuce. It was a powerful one too. I’m telling you, this sucker had oomph.

Nothing much happened until we got to the first light in Bullhead where the guy in the truck started to follow us. We knew this because his girlfriend was screaming at him and probably had been for quite some time. So we were sitting in the turn lane with the Suburban in front of us and the Dodge behind. The guy in the truck opened his door and started yelling out his door. At this point the guy driving the Suburban got clear out of the car and walked back and started yelling at the guy behind us and at us. I only really heard “motherfucker,” but it was something along the lines of “if you ever tailgate me again_______.” Fill in the blank! Aardvarks will be merry? We could no longer be BFF? His offer of road head would be null and void? Choose your own adventure!

Jesse just gave him a look. This look also did not suggest tea and crumpets. It was a calm look as opposed to an “I need to compensate for my lack of phallic length by being an asshole on the road” look. Jesse also did his thing where he wanted the guy to do something that would be a legitimate reason for busting out the Krav Manga.
The whole thing was pretty darn re-donk-ulous but funny and quite entertaining.

I’m sure there will be many other adventures to report, and I’m sure I’ll write about them, and I’m sure very few people will care much at all.

So, to the 4-6 people that read this, I hope you have a lovely and splendiferous week. I probably won’t be online much since Jesse’s house has the dial-up. (Eek!) It’s like the herpes but for internet. So take care all!

" Yes, I rather like 'Snake.' 'Snake Griffin.'"

I was starting to get stressed out last night about housing next year. Then, today I decided that was silly so I went ahead and got a house with Jesse and Kristi. I mean, stressing searching agonizingly is just such a waste of time. It's much more time efficient to wrap up a housing search in a twenty-four hour period. I don't know why more people don't do it this way. I mean, come on.

Okay, so flippancy aside, I am very relieved to know what I'll be doing next year for housing. We're actually only moving to the Unit 1 to our current Unit 2. That means moving time, hassle, and effort go way down. I am all about that. We're really lucky, as it's hard to find a place to rent that will allow a dog the size of Elphaba. She is a little bigger than the typical 20-25 pound weight limit for pets. And the best part is that we totally snaked it out from under a girl that was vacillating on it. The three of us: 1, Procrastinating girl: 0. Oh yeah.

Spring Break next week! That's exciting. It's not like I'll be going to DISNEYLAND or anything like a sister of mine I could mention. I actually have no idea what I'll be doing for Spring Break. Whatever it is, it should be more exciting than working the whole week at Tyndall garage like I did last year. We'll see.

Latest Poem

I didn't know what to write my poem on this week, so Jesse suggested writing it about Kia. Here's the result:

“Pee-yew Gee”

Begging for food with eyes bulged way out for a goldfish
cracker
Two fishbowls for cheesy little treats

A four-door sedan with a flat face and a curly tail

The asshole that puckers when you bark like a gun barrel set to fire bacon fumes of treats for peeing outside

Compact little piles waiting at the top of the stair gathered with a paper towel and flung over the balcony

A flat face unable to bite her little sister the wicked witch of the west, played by Mrs Scooby Doo

Vomit on the stairs and piss on the remote

Scar on the poochy belly where your ovaries fled from the bagel on your butt, the bagel of the smiling cream cheese thrown and deflected by a plane of wrinkles and tiny teeth

Trying to bite the air we blow in your face

We sit you in a tiny popsicle patterned lawn chair with the face of a Classic Double made Single

The little blood clot named Maureen which were puppies for a day and named after cars. The black butthole that tipped us off, being mounted by exgirlfriend’s dogs to make her a canine slut.

A canine slut buttsurfing for a good time

no snout
no neck
no dignity

The news that made my semester

So, I was making some hamburgers, and I got a call from the madre. She called financial aid to sort out the issue with my step-dad's income. If his income had to be accounted for like Grand Canyon University says it does, then I'd be pretty much screwed out of financial aid. Which I think is ridiculous. My step-dad is a teacher. Regardless of whether or not his income should count towards determining my financial aid, my parents can't afford to pay for my college. However, even though the FAFSA procedure is to report both, UofA doesn't look at the step-parent. I love the UofA. If getting to keep the money you pay rent with and not owing thousands of dollars back doesn't give you school spirit, I don't know what will.

This also means the pressure is off me finding a job right away since all the money I need to pay rent is sitting in my bank account.

The last two night, my house has been invaded, INVADED by Kristi's sorority sisters. I know Jesse has been enjoying himself. Right Jesse? Eh? Eh? *nudge nudge* No but seriously, the house is more invaded with flour. Bags of flour unto the end of the earth. The sad part is that the house is cleaner with bags of flour, bags of sugar, boxes and boxes of mason jars, and all that than it is ordinarily. Pretty sad if you ask me.

Now in closing and for your viewing pleasure and such, I leave you with some pictures of Kia sitting in a tiny lawn chair:




Aw, isn't that just the most pathetic things you've seen in a while?

UPDATE: I was walking home from class, and I saw a girl riding down Highland on a bike while smoking a cigarette. What the heck? It's like using a cell phone on a bike. Why, oh why must it be illegal for me to flog these people?