This is one more reason why UA is better than ASU

There really is nothing I can say about this:

Oh gee golly.

The Fourth

It occurred to me yesterday to make an ironically gung-ho patriotic blog posting for the occasion. At some point in my writing, I would have slipped in a phrase something akin to "Suck it King George." Or something to that effect. Of course it makes me wonder what the percentage of Americans is that could name the monarch the colonists were so peeved at and for what reasons.

But that's irrelevant. When have Americans ever let facts or historical context have any bearing on them getting drunk and eating too much? Or just getting their holiday on.

I did not do anything so productive as writing a blog post. Instead I spent most of the day watching Angel. Now that's celebrating America. It's certainly a more accurate representation of what we've done with our freedom than setting off fireworks or eating hot dogs and watermelon.

Although I would not have said no to some watermelon.

Mistaken Dead Status

I'm not sure what it was, but I always thought Bob Dylan was dead. The way that people talked about him and the musicians that are supposed to be operating in his legacy always gave me the impression that the guy was all deaded.

Woops. The value of my cultural retardedness is currently set to positive.

Pretty much crap

I have to write a five page paper for my 20th century philosophy final. And I dub it a complete waste of my time. No, wait, I'm going to extend that to the entire course. Any course where you can not go to 80% of the classes and have an A is poorly structured and poorly executed. It's not worth having. The material was boring, and all she did was read from the handouts that she provided. Why even bother with an instructor? I read the handouts and got As on the quizzes.

Now I have to write five pages about Putnam's "Why there isn't a ready made world" paper. It's essentially crap (the assignment, not Putnam's paper). She gave us an outline including every single point we need to cover to get full credit. The only effort required on our part is to rewrite what she wrote in the Putnam handout. It's complete regurgitation. I can understand a teacher helping her students do well, but if she'd done anymore, we'd have form essays we could just write our names at the top of.

I can understand that it's a survey of 20th century philosophy, but there was almost no exploration of the material or the philosophical implications of each philosopher's view. "This is what this philosopher thought. Now onto the next philosopher." It's pretty much the worst way to structure a class in philosophy (or any class, really, but especially philosophy which is nothing if you don't engage the material). I did exactly zero thinking for this class. That means that the teacher has failed. She did not do her job, and this paper is still a waste of my time.

I'm just bummed that I scheduled myself to work at OSCR during the class we filled out evaluations. I would have gone to market and brought home some friggin' roast beef.

Are these emotions I'm feeling? They make me feel funny.

I'm not sure what's come over me, but I've been going all fangirl gooshie over indie pop recently. So, I will continue along the vein of my last post with another video of a song I've fallen in love with. This one makes me happy and bouncy inside.

Maia Hirasawa - "And I found this boy"



Those damn Swedes and their infectiously good music...

What the hell, let's go crazy. From the UK with another song I'm smooshing over:

Lucky Soul - "Add Your Light to Mine, Baby"

Instant Favorite

I have all manner of love for this song. Ever since I heard it a few days ago, it's been stuck with me. I adore this song, and you will too unless you are completely devoid of all passion, desire, and heart. So, I give you Hello Saferide's "My Best Friend." Please commence falling in love with this band.



The singer reminds me of someone or a combination of someones, but I can't place it.

Persona Happenings

I had a slight let-down tonight. I was not voted into the Junior Editor position that I was running for. It's a bummer, but I secured Assistant Copy Editor. I mostly just wanted to get involved in the workings of the club, so I'm pleased even if I didn't get the job I wanted. That's the peril of running against an officer veteran, I suppose. Besides getting my antisocial bumparts involved in something, I get 3 units of upper-division credit to boot. That means I can decrease my course load during one semester next year. I'll probably drop a class from the Fall semester since there's one English class I didn't want to take in the first place. Hooray for 12 units.

Even though no one else was running for Assistant Copy Editor, I think what really secured my winning it was me saying, "I'm used to being a bitch-boy. I was one at my last job" during my pseudo-speech. I am a bitch-boy. I could be your bitch-boy.

There Are No More Heroes

It is very seldom that the death of anyone, especially a public figure, moves me to any kind of emotion. When a public figure dies, it's usually expressed that the death of anyone is sad. I disagree. Death is not sad in the way that most people wish it to be sad. It's a very selfish emotion, really. It affects us to the extent that we will miss the person that is now gone. Death is not sad. Life, I think is sadder than death. Life is sad because there is so often no point when there ought to be.

My selfish emotion is in response to the death of my hero. It was one of my cherished dreams to meet him someday just so he could tell me I didn't know anything. He chain smoked for decades and died because of brain injuries from falling. It's an ironic death that I think he would have appreciated. I ought to say something personal about how I am a better person for reading his work and have a better understanding of my relation to humanity and the world, but I don't think he ever wanted people to be like him. Sometimes I feel like I think he must have that life would be better if we couldn't recognize just how wrong things are. "Life is no way to treat an animal," as it were. And because it's what he would want to be said about him:

Kurt Vonnegut is up in heaven now.

So it goes.

Re: Can't Tell the Difference

I think I give people too much credit. That sounds odd coming from me, but I really do. Today I made a stop to deposit some yellow before meeting with my Milton professor. On the wall above the, ahem, "ATMs" there were some tags, and this addition: "TAGGERS R GAY" with a darling little arrow. I thought that was pretty ironic, and I had to catch myself because I had been thinking that the person who wrote it understood the irony of his actions. I have no way of knowing one way or the other, but it seems far more likely to me that the guy scrawled it up there without appreciating the irony of his actions.

But that's what's tricky about irony. It can be hard to distinguish without context. Like does Alanis Morissette know that most of the stuff she mentions in "Ironic" are not actually ironic and is she being ironic because of it? This is the web I'm tangled in with the "My Boobs are Okay" video I posted last week. I think I might be giving her too much credit, but then I realized that the song is essentially a remaking of "My Humps" by the Black Eyed Peas. Observe:



So is the crazy Norwegian girl making a commentary on the glorification of that kind of behavior, or is it just in the same vein? My brain is so whacked-out on literature right now that I have no idea. It's highly probable that I'm simply looking at it too hard and seeing something that isn't there.

As bonus fun, I offer this lovely (and real) commentary on the attitude "My Humps" praises. It's amazing how all credibility in the lyrics is lost when they're slowed down and articulated. Oh those crazy feminists and their "ideas" about "equality" and "not selling your body like a socially sanctioned prostitute." They're so quaint. I mean, seriously, when was the last time one of those types got laid? I'm going to have to quote me some Chasing Amy when I say, "All every woman wants, be it mother, senator, or nun, is some serious deep dicking." Think on that for a moment as you watch this "My Humps" parody:

I'ma Gonna Be a Bridesmaid!

Or as my sister calls it: a bridesboy. I mentioned earlier that my sister Amanda got engaged to her man-type. Well, she called me on Sunday to ask me if I wanted to be a part of the wedding party, specifically if I would be one of her bridesmaids. I, of course, said yes. Seriously, I'm out of theatre now, so my opportunities for dressing up in a dress all pretty without people throwing garbage at me have been drastically (and unfortunately) reduced.

They'll be getting married in the fall (October 25 if I recall correctly). It should be fun. I haven't been to many weddings.

I'm still in negotiations with her about dress color and style (I would like something that shows off my lovely lady lump), free license for hairdos, and the open bar situation.

A Cop-out/Blatantly Atheistic Easter Post

(Image Source)

I hope everyone fulfilled the true spirit of Easter and had some rousing shag sessions. Of course using condoms and/or birth control does violate the spirit of a fertility festival. So, I hope y'all enjoyed your non-fertile spring festival. And a Happy Belated Equinox!

A Disturbing Similarity

There's construction going on at UMC right now that's right on my route to go from the lab to the main hospital. I pass by the site almost every day. Today, I saw a pile of stuff on the site. It contained: a flannel shirt, gloves, a big thermos, a lunch box, and several things I couldn't identify. Then I looked over into the rest of the site and saw a construction worker wearing: a helmet, a handkerchief under the helmet covering his neck, stained and worn-out jeans, a worn-out hoodie, and one of those reflective vest dealies.

I asked myself: what other profession do these two sights bring to mind? The answer seemed obvious to me: a homeless person. Now, I don't mean to conflate the two because only one group provides a viable service. In case you couldn't figure it out on your own, I'm talking about homeless people. The provide an indispensable service to any community they're in.

Let's face it, if there we no homeless people, how would we be able to practice lying convincingly. Without the repeated practice of "Sorry, I don't have any change" and "Oh, I don't carry cash. I only use plastic," we would never be able to work up to more important lies. I'm pretty sure society would break down without these intrepid individuals taking one for the team. So next time someone gets up in arms about homelessness being a problem, you should say, "Homelessness is essential to our way of life! And I absolutely did not sleep with your wife." You'll be golden. And don't forget to thank the stinky guys by "accidentally" dropping some money by them some time. We can't let them think we'd give it to them willingly or they might be inspired to turn their lives around and get jobs and stuff. We certainly can't have that if we want to maintain our comfortable way of life.

Can't Tell the Difference

Do you ever find yourself faced with something where you can't tell if it's brilliant or mind-numbingly stupid? This is how I feel about this video. I'm not sure if it's making a serious social point about that endearing class of women that survive on their physical appearance or if it's glorifying that behavior as a right and privilege of being an attractive woman.

I felt the same way about some of the submissions I read for Persona this semester. Without context, I couldn't tell if the pieces were fabulous or inane drivel. It's amazing how close those two are when operating in satire. There's a fine distinction between the model and the actual object. So what's the reality? Once they start imitating one another, that distinction blurs. Then we get Hyperreality.

Thank you Baudrillard for keeping me from believing that anything actually exists. Thanks a ton. You know what, Baudrillard? YOU don't exist! How do you like that, huh? That's right, you're dead, so there. That makes me the winner by default on account of dead philosopher.

Where's my medal?

My Dream April Fool's Joke

I thought of the ultimate April Fool's Joke today. It would involve massive coordination, extensive persuasive skills to get people to play along, and for me to be the head of NASA.

I would make a press release on April 1st revealing that the first moon landing was, indeed, a hoax. The others were genuine, but that first one was faked. There would be a sincere apology on behalf of NASA, and an appeal for understanding of the situation at the time. The competition with the Russians was fierce and a desire not to let the promise to JFK go unrealized.

The moon hoax loons would go ape shit bananas. I think most would realize the gag, as most people do on April 1st, but perhaps some would believe it. And that would be a beautiful thing.

Now I just need to become the director of NASA.

Now I Can See the Resemblance

I've never seen a Virgin Mary or Jesus sighting in food/oil/building windows/doors/clouds that couldn't be attributed to pareidolia. UNTIL NOW! I really think Jesus is trying to tell us something here. To make a life-size appearance in chocolate like this is incontrovertible evidence that Jesus has something to say to us. (I guess he doesn't realize that we have cell phones now, but who am I to criticize the preferred communication method of the Son of the Lord God Almighty?)


Ooooooooor.... there's a sculptor that has the Christ Camp (mostly the Catholics) all in a huff in the lead-up to Easter with this exhibit. I say they ought to be flattered. I mean, if I was to sculpt their deity out of something brown, it sure wouldn't be out of a material as tasty and pleasantly aromatic as chocolate (if you catch my meaning). Besides, with all the creepy sexual connotations to the Christian worship tradition, I would think they'd be happy to finally get a peak at the holy package.

(Image source)
(Article source)

People and Things

A big problem that many people have with divine justice is summed up in the question, "Why do bad things happen to good people?" This moral indictment of God's sense of justice has been repeated so many times that I've gotten completely sick of it.

What we ought to be asking is "Why do good people happen to bad things?" Did any of you whiners ever stop to consider what it's like for the bad thing to have a good person thrust upon it? I bet you didn't, you inconsiderate bastard. That bad thing may have had serious plans for happening to a bad person, and now it's been deprived that. All that preparation, work, self-sacrifice, and dreaming have gone to waste on account of that good person. It's a real shame, but not as big of a shame as the whole lot of you not realizing that.

Bowling and Other

I got back recently from the bowling night fund raiser for Persona Undergraduate Literary Magazine (buy one when they come out at the end of the semester). It was fun. Five tickets including my own isn't too bad of an effort on my part, I think. The night was fun. Fluke among flukes, I beat Jesse in our second game with what has been confirmed as my best game. I pulled a very respectable 169. I savored a few moments of bliss from this along with some banter with Katy about the folly and ridiculousness of the music industry (always amusing) and other things (also amusing). And now Brigid and I can plan our romantic interludes without so much secrecy since Jesse gave me the okay to have quick, guilt-free sex with her. He's such a generous fellow, really. I mean, I wouldn't prostitute out my girlfriend unless I was getting money out of it, but I guess I'm just old fashioned in that way. You're a real pal, Jesse.

On a totally unrelated note, I happen to find this website absolutely hilarious. It's all the typical Christian fallacies brought together in what can be best described as a convention of the nutty and the illogical. (I think religions should have conventions, just so I can make puns about them conning) Anywhozzle, take a look if you have a strong stomach. Such concentrated doses of logical fallacies rock my insides harder than a vat of jalapeñocheesebeefgrease.

One last thing: I think I have the answer to why the Christian church has been so fixated on sex and sexuality for so long. I believe it has something to do with the first seriously organized conception of the Christian faith, the Roman Catholic Church, having their leader dress up to be shaped like a penis.
Seriously, the dude's hat is all phallic-y. I suppose if you're going to be a bunch of total pricks, you ought to dress the part. Let's not forget that Mother Theresa was Catholic, and she was fucking awful.

Deathly Hallows Cover

The cover art for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was released today. So, I thought I would share because I'm just so damned excited about it. The release date is July 21st, and I can barely contain my schoolgirl-esque glee.

Here's the UK children's cover (Because the adult version is lame):


And here is the full US cover (which is the artwork that I prefer):

Source

Fisting and God's Will

...some couples may wonder if it is appropriate for a wife to fist her husband if he enjoys anal stimulation. In most cases, a wife indulging her husband’s desire to receive light anal play is not problematic in the context of a healthy sexual relationship. A wife may even anally penetrate her partner with a strap-on dildo if he enjoys this, and if their respective roles as husband and wife are secure outside of the bedroom.

However, because of the intense nature of the act of fisting and the degree of surrender and submission involved in being fisted, a couple should first look deeply into their own hearts and pray for guidance as to whether it is wise for the wife to fist the husband. They should undertake this only if their relationship is such that the husband can assume a submissive and passive role during a sexual act, while afterward still maintaining his role as the spiritual head of the household and leader in the marriage. Our article on Christian BDSM also addresses this issue.

I seriously could not make this stuff up. Make sure to check out the other articles on there as well. It is seldom that I have no words. This is one of those times.

New Title

I thought I would take the time to say something about my new title. I'm becoming more and more of a lit nerd as time goes by, so I'll admit it's a reference to a poem by William Wordsworth: "Intimations on Immortality from Recollections of Early Childhood." But since I'm an American and I demand short, quick, and clever titles that still give a sense of the entire work (that don't at all put any pressure on the writer. At all.), I call it "The Intimations Ode."

Here's the stanza:

Our birth is but a sleep and a forgetting:
The Soul that rises with us, our life's Star,
Hath had elsewhere its setting,
And cometh from afar:
Not in entire forgetfulness,
And not in utter nakedness,
But trailing clouds of glory do we come
From God, who is our home:
Heaven lies about us in our infancy!
Shades of the prison-house begin to close
Upon the growing Boy,
But He beholds the light, and whence it flows,
He sees it in his joy;
The Youth, who daily farther from the east
Must travel, still is Nature's Priest,
And by the vision splendid
Is on his way attended;
At length the Man perceives it die away,
And fade into the light of common day.

I like it because it's an image of a loss of innocence. But knowledge replaces innocence which is ultimately a favorable trade. That's a very cursory explanation, but I'm at work and I ought to be reading Paradise Lost.

Two Special Kinds of Joy

I'd like to take a moment out of my usually bitter attitude to mention two things that just make me happy.

The first: that feeling you get just before you're tipsy. Everything just seems better in that ever-so-floaty state. I wish I knew the amount of alcohol and the rate I would have to consume it in order to maintain that feeling over longer periods of time.

The second: finding an unexpectedly good parking spot. I always try the lot near the Engineering building for my Thursday night shift, but I never actually expect to get a spot, as it's a small lot and in a high traffic area. In that case, I have a back-up lot that's unpleasantly further away. But every once and a while, I get a spot, and it fills me with simple-hearted glee. This is compounded when I know it's the last spot in the lot, and I see cars coming in after me. That's joy plus schadenfreude. That's the best of both worlds, baby.

First Choice

I've been doing a wee bit o' research on grad programs, and I think I've come up with my top choice. It seems to be everything that I want in a school. It would probably send me into horrific amounts of debt as it's a private college in New York. Sarah Lawrence, you and I shall be cleaved to one another. Oh yes, it shall be so.

...please let me into your school

Conclusion

I have decided that too many people I know are getting married and/or spawning. I was fine when it was still, "Hey, you know RandomPerson from high school? They're baking baby batter into baby cakes." And since baby cakes sound disturbingly delicious, I was fine. Now with the sister-type getting all engaged-like, it feels like they're closing in, and the two half-used rolls of aluminum foil we have in the house might not be enough to keep them from infiltrating my brainpan with thoughts of soccer practice and gift registries.

So, my course of action is this: the next person who is closely connected to me that gets engaged/married/impregnated is going to have their sex changed, forcibly, by me. I won't go into all of the gory details, but it would involve either a hard kick to the testicular area to create a pseudo-vaginal cavity or voodoo magic and a kielbasa sausage. Do not provoke me.

Also, my congratulations to you Amanda, I am very happy for you. *emoticon*

Pseudomamma

This has got to be the weirdest thing I've seen in a while. I sat for a while trying to think of an appropriate pun, but I came up with nothing. I am convinced that there has got to be some wordplay to be had with this. How could there not?

All Gussied-Up

Today while I was awaiting my new glasses to be completed, I took a jaunt over to Border's to gander at some books that I lust over. While looking for The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins, I see an unfamiliar section: "Metaphysical Studies." I am suitably confused since I already saw the Philosophy section, and Philosophy can't really be condensed into that single discipline even if I hadn't. As I approached to investigate, it struck me as to which section I had yet to see in the new layout: New Age. Lo and behold, Metaphysical Studies cobbles together tarot, Nostradamus, crystals, and other such vagueries.

Does this remind anyone else of creationism transmorgified into intelligent design? Same loony business with a new name to make it sound more intellectual and beard-strokey.

Sharing is Caring

I'm going to disclose something that happened to me because I love you all so tenderly:

I vomited so hard that my nose bled.

For All the Wrong Reasons

I came across an interesting insight today. It is as such:

When gay marriage is made legal, it won't be because it's the right thing to do; it'll be because the commercial possibilities of having them will be realized. Because, if I can speak stereotypically for a moment, who would throw a more elaborate wedding than two gay men?

Filing Taxes

Me: I think it's ridiculous that they keep that 54 dollars. I don't make enough money for them to keep that. I want that 50 dollars back!

Jesse: It pays for the services that the government renders you.

Me: They can render me a fucking blow job!

Seperated from Reality

The other day I was walking along with someone; let's call her Ms. Bootless. We were passing by some storage tanks that held liquid oxygen. For whatever reason, there were crewmen there venting off some of the O2. It looked really cool. The pipe it was venting out was coated with frost all along it's length. Fabulous science!

But that's not really the point. Ms. Bootless got all weirded out and didn't know what they were doing. She crossed the street and wouldn't go near it. "Why are they doing that? What is that?" she asked. I told her they were just releasing some liquid O2, that it was just oxygen. It didn't matter to her, and she said she wasn't going to go near it.

Now this event may not seem like a whole lot to someone who is not acquainted with Ms. Bootless. She bothers me, and it took me a long time to figure out why that was. And now I think I have a decent idea of why she bugs me so much. Here's the thing: I still have this silly idealistic notion that every person is worth something. She disconfirms that fanciful notion of mine.

Life, as I see it, builds toward something. It's different for everyone, and no one goal is intrinsically more "worthy" than any other. Ms. Bootless isn't building toward anything. She's said enough to the effect that she wants to just be in heaven so her troubles will be over. Setting aside my first reaction to that, it strikes me as a futile existence waiting for life to end. Where's the fulfillment in that? That's just subsistence with no meaningful prospects, completely setting aside the metaphysical garble that is the afterlife.

Either that, or she's just annoying.

Does this make me weird?

I spent my lunch break today writing. It started out with my opinion on the nonexistence of free will. How many twenty-one year old guys actually think about stuff like that? It moved from there into the changing ratio of human understanding vs. the realm of god. Through time, scientists reach their limit and attribute the out-of-reach portion to god. Then someone comes along and licks the problem that stumped the previous intrepid individual. It's a lesson of human limitations and the development of human knowledge.

My point is that, over time, the god explanation has been used less and less to cover an unknown. Now, it's a 'we don't don't know...but we will' attitude that I think is much better. Still though, people insist on throwing in the god card. As a species, we haven't discovered everything, but I think we've uncovered enough to where we should realize that the blanket explanation of big-sky-daddy is no longer necessary. There's a system in place where we can find answers, test them, accept them, and revise them.

Isn't that grand?

I just think we need to be careful. If ID is allowed to encroach on the already pitiful state of public education, we could forever lose our standing in the intellectual world. While Western society was entrenched in Church instituted Dark Ages, the Muslim world was the center of of scientific discovery. If that doesn't give you the willies about the power of religion induced promotion of ignorance, then yeah.

This is how I spend my time.

Make Love, Not that Other Thing

Calif. Couple Calls for Orgasm for Peace

SAN FRANCISCO (AP) -- Two peace activists have planned a massive anti-war demonstration for the first day of winter.

But they don't want you marching in the streets. They'd much rather you just stay home.

The Global Orgasm for Peace was conceived by Donna Sheehan, 76, and Paul Reffell, 55, whose immodest goal is for everyone in the world to have an orgasm Dec. 22 while focusing on world peace. (full story)

Now there's a concept. This is seriously an anti-war effort I can get behind. I'm not one for holding signs or writing letters to my congressperson. But, if I can help save the world while getting my jollies at the same time, I say that's a win-win type situation. I think everyone ought to do their part by doing themselves.

Because I'm such a damned good person

I donated blood today. I can't say that it was actually fun, but it went well. Okay, except for the part when the network went down while I was doing the pre-donation screening. And also the part when I momentarily blacked out after the needle was removed. That part did feel pretty cool though. I got lightheaded, and everything went all swooshy. It's interesting to see your realm of vision slowly collapse when you're not actually closing your eyes.

Those needles they use are hefty. That sucker (haha) was the width of a coffee stirrer.

Next time, I'm going to make sure to drink more water. Maybe then I won't pass out. One can only hope.

Don't Dip it In

Abstinence message goes beyond teens
USA TODAY

The federal government's "no sex without marriage" message isn't just for kids anymore.

Now the government is targeting unmarried adults up to age 29 as part of its abstinence-only programs, which include millions of dollars in federal money that will be available to the states under revised federal grant guidelines for 2007.

The government says the change is a clarification. But critics say it's a clear signal of a more directed policy targeting the sexual behavior of adults. (full story)

Because it's just such an effective and intelligent education (I use that in the lightest sense of the word) method for teens that it's expanding to adults?

I find it completely awful that such an idiotic policy is (1) actually still being taught to pre-teens and teens, and (2) that there's a feeling within this compartment of government that the sexual conduct of adults is in any way their concern.

People have sex and babies without a silly ritual of (supposedly) life-long commitment? I think I might just keel over in shock and affronted moral principles. How 'bout you?

Musing

If Islamic terrorists started recruiting paraplegics and double amputees, would they be promised 36 virgins in the afterlife?

Fuck the Apple Store

May they be forced to gargle the blood of ten stillborn infants and be boiled in the semen of three dozen pedophiles.

I went in last Monday to have my computer fixed, and it still hasn't been sent to the Apple Repair Center. It's been a week, and I am a very pissed off student without a computer.

Cock gobblers, every one of them.

I'm going to Simutek now.

Electronic Karma

I think all the bad mojo from taking apart every electronic thing I could get my hands on as a kid is starting to catch up with me.

The logic board on my iBook failed. This is the replacement from when my original logic board crapped out. No laptop. No Mac delectablity for Ryan, just the PCs he can access through work (which is where I'm writing this).

And my iPod is failing too. I have to restart it more than I ought to in order to get it out of a freeze or to get it to actually play music. Why, Stevey? Why must your products forsake me in my time of need? I need the warm loving glow of Apple's warm loving glow to sustain me.

If I'm not a complete slacker, I'll say something about midterms and NaNo later.

And I am a complete slacker, so don't hold out a whole lot of hope.

Are you Kidding?

I'm in the ECE lab right now "working" through a reservation for an Engineering class. The professor just spent the last 15 minutes talking about breathing. She even mentioned Reflexology. Reflexology? Are you serious? Reflexology is complete pseudoscience. It's just foot massage and has no effect on health. It's an amazing feat (haha, didn't catch that until I reread the post) of compartmentalization that someone can be a professor in engineering able to do things with her mind that I'll never be able to and then just turn off when it comes to stuff like this. I love it!

Japanese

I decided I'm going to stop trying as much in Japanese. It's my last semester of it, and I'm ready to be done. I three-quarters assed it for the last three semesters and got an A, so if I half ass it in 202 or even three-eighths ass it, I could potentially get a B. I like those numbers. I also like that it gives me more time so I don't wear myself out as much.

And I'm glad I dropped those 7 units. I'm pretty sure I'd be in a coma right now if I hadn't.

Is it a bad sign that it's only about a month in and I'm already entertaining fantasies of quitting college? What's the point, really? My degree will do me absolutely no good. None. "Creative Writing major? Here! Have a sack of money!" It just feels like I'm wasting time and money to take the three classes in my major that I actually want to take. Why on Earth would I want to go into debt for a degree that will do me no real good? It's depressing, really.

So downer post. Uhhhhh... Okay, so a midget walked into a bar and I stepped over it.

Me Wanna Pass Out

This is my second week of getting up at 6 to go to work then class then work at other job. I'm pretty much on the verge of collapse. I'm behind in my reading and I'm missing assignments. I also have 4 stories that I need to read and critique for tomorrow. There's also the 50 pages or so of reading I need to do for Friday and prepare a presentation on 30 of those pages. I would likey pass out now.

Oh and I'm starting to think again that I'm sick. Awesome. Awesome.

So yeah, I'd like to go to sleep right now and not wake up for a week or so. Anyone know how I could arrange that? Anyone? Anyone? Beuller?

And if I do crash, be comforted to know that the people I plan on taking down with me would be random passersby.

New Facebook Homepage

I find it really funny that people are complaining about the new Facebook homepage. That on its own I could deal with. People are always unsatisfied. What's funny is the group dedicated to hating the homepage. I bet almost everyone in that group joined because their friends joined it and they knew that because it was posted on the new Facebook homepage.

When I Die...

China acts on funeral strippers

Five people have been detained in China for running striptease send-offs at funerals, state media say.

The once-common events are held to boost the number of mourners, as large crowds are seen as a mark of honour.

But the arrests, in the eastern province of Jiangsu, could signal the end of the rural tradition.

Local officials have since ordered a halt to "obscene performances" and say funeral plans have to be submitted in advance, Xinhua news agency said.

The arrests, in Donghai county, followed striptease acts at a farmer's funeral, the agency said.

Two hundred people were said to have attended the event, which was held on 16 August.

The Beijing News said the event was later revealed by a Chinese TV station. The leaders of five striptease troupes were held, it said, including two involved in the farmer's funeral.

"Striptease used to be a common practice at funerals in Donghai's rural areas to allure viewers," Xinhua agency said.

"Local villagers believe that the more people who attend the funeral, the more the dead person is honoured."

As well as ordering an end to the practice, officials have also said residents can report "funeral misdeeds" on a hotline, earning a reward for information.

Source: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/5280312.stm

Nice Guys

I'’m sure you'’ve heard the saying/Green Day song "“Nice Guys Finish Last." In terms of dating, this seems to be the case. At least from my limited experience. Have you ever stopped to ask why this is? The self-proclaimed nice guy will tell you that girls prefer dating the jack-offs. I disagree. I'd like to give the fairer sex a little more credit than that.

Here'’s my explanation of the phenomenon: the jack-off asshole actually asked her out. Imagine that, taking the initiative. So as long jack-off assholes are out there asking out girls and the "“nice guys"” remain mostly spineless pansies, the trend will continue.

What'’s really sickening is that some of the creepier "nice guys" think that somehow they're entitled to a girlfriend/poon just because they'’re supposedly nice.

What is "“nice"” anyway? Here are a few definitions from dictionary.com

- Pleasing and agreeable in nature
- Exhibiting courtesy and politeness
- Of good character and reputation

Okay, that's all well and good. However, don'’t you think it's better to be "kind"?

-• Of a friendly, generous, or warm-hearted nature.
-• Showing sympathy or understanding; charitable
- Humane; considerate
- Forbearing; tolerant
- Generous; liberal
-• Agreeable; beneficial

I personally think the latter is preferable. Niceness is a description of behavior, while kindness reflects a genuine goodness of being.

There's really more to it than this, but it's just something I've noticed since high school. I bet you were expecting a lament based on the title of the post, weren't you? I like to mix things up.

There was a time that I did bitch about it, but then I pulled my head out of my ass. How great would it be if others could do the same?

Fall Semester..... COMMENCE!

I started my third year at the Ivory Tower today. It's kind of strange to think I'm halfway done with my undergraduate degree. It's bound to be an interesting semester with the load I'm taking on. There's the 19 units, the 25-30 hours a week working two jobs, wanting to squeeze in some rock climbing trips, and most importantly trying to find time to spend with a certain someone. So that's all very joyous. I'll either learn to manage my time or start chowing down speed.

I put down the deposit on my car today. Within a week or so I'll officially purchase my '98 Honda Accord. I had been looking at a Nissan Sentra, but after consulting someone who knows a whole hell of a lot more about cars than I do, changed my mind. As it turns out, Nissan Sentras do not hold their value very well at all. It would be worth half as much in about three years. So I decided to go with the Honda. All told, it's going to cost me a shaving over $7500. It's actually all working out very nicely. I have had no hassle whatsoever about anything so far. It's been an enjoyable experience.

Currently, I'm sitting in Old Engineering 318, wheedling away my first shift of the semester at OSCR. There is no one in the lab. I also am hungry, thirsty, and have to pee. That'll all have to wait until after 10 when my shift is over.

If Parents aren't afraid of you influencing their children, you're doing something wrong

I was using the paper shredder today at work, and I thought of a really great title for a porn movie. Like all great porn movies, this would be a niche production. "What niche?" I hear the droves ask. Well, it's for transgender emo porn. The title is based on a popular 80's song by Cutting Crew. It's going to be called I Just Hermaphro-Died in Your Arms Tonight. Can you picture it? Chicks with dicks writing weepy poetry about the entropy of society and how no one understands their surprise penis, all while taking it right up their ruby starfruit.

I have a vision.

Les sigh

I'd been thinking about quitting my job at the radiology lab. I was torn though because I knew the responsible thing to do would be to keep the job. Bills need to be paid after all. I came to a decision. Pending me finding some awesome job that pays more than Radiology does, I'm going to stick it out. Sometimes I hate having to do the grown-up thing.

Do you want to go on a Child Molestation Ride? I mean, Magic Carpet Ride?

Have you ever noticed when someone you don’t like and/or truly despise likes something that you do, it makes you want to like it less? There’s no logical reason for it that I can think of. I can only think of one example of this at the moment. It is as follows:

I really like the movie The Boondock Saints. It’s violent, smart, and has a moral ambiguity that I find very interesting. (Even though I do think anyone who kills in the name of religion/god is crack-alack in the head a little bit.) Well, a while ago when the slut-ho-bitch, I mean Mel, was living here, she and her friend were watching said awesome movie downstairs.

Nothing changed about the movie, nothing at all. It’s some kind of weird reaction that I don’t understand. The movie is still great. And I guess the moral of the story is that slut-ho-bitches can like great movies too.

**

Hello, I’m Bob Barker. Please have your slut-ho-bitches and man-whores spayed or neutered. Do it for the ignorant, drain on society children they should never be allowed to have. Thank you, and goodnight.

PS- Have you also noticed that "molestation" is spelled like "mole station." Someone ought to investigate the connection.

Confused

I'm pretty sure that someone stole the manual stapler in my computer lab. I was sitting at my laptop, and this girl came up to print and then staple what she had printed. I wasn't particularly paying attention to her, but I thought I saw her holding something other than her printout. She walked out. A little while later, I processed what had just happened. The manual stapler was gone. What is that all about? I mean, come on! A stapler? Of course, by the time I realized what had happened, it was too late to do anything. People baffle me.

Teehee worthy

I find it pretty amusing that the spellcheck feature that Blogger uses says that the word "blog" is misspelled.

Pretty much the awesomest thing ever

I preordered Vol. 1 of Animaniacs. I'll have it sometime around Thursday of next week. After that, there will be splendor.



BEHOLD!

Something

I don't know what it is, but the sight of an ice cream cone on the ground looks sad. I don't even like ice cream.

I was walking home from work and saw a Dairy Queen ice cream cone on the ground with it's cold, cremy treat melting away in a trail of white. I may not like the stuff, but it didn't seem like a fitting end for the sweetness.

Okay, that was pretty much an American Beauty post. Nevermind me.

Stick It

..in the trash.

I watched Stick It last night. With the FSM as my witness, I have seen few worse movies. Cheesey dialogue, predictability, crappy character development, plot holes, flat acting, sappy theme, stock characters, cookie-cutter "punk-rawk" rebellion, and the list goes on.

My favorite part was how the standard bitchy, dumb girl flips this complete 180 degree turn to become a decent human being. This was all initiated by the line, "Don't you know how to do anything but gymnastics?". Her and the main girl, who were in a totally intense feud throughout the movie, become friends at the end. *Contented sigh*

Newsy Bit

I'm officially starting a new blog. No longer do my five or so readers have to be subjected to my religious and politically motivated posts. This blog is going to return to its original intent: anecdotal and observational posting. If anyone so desires, they can take a look-see at my new blog for slightly more serious posts. I've cleverly named it The Budding Atheist. There's currently nothing posted over there, but I plan on revisiting some of my previous posts on Generic Title and cleaning them up a bit. I'll be applying a more rigorous standard to the posts over there: no more sloshing something put, applying spellcheck, and then publishing the post (Although that will most likely remain the case here at Generic Title). I plan to format Budding Atheist posts in a columnesque way. Hope you'll take a look.

I Don't Understand

Why is it that when farting and pooping is done by a female, it's supposedly gross, but when a guy does it, it's funny? How is either that much different from sneezing or vomiting? They're all just bodily functions. People are dumb weird.

Science and Religion

Why is it that so many theists take the stance that because evolution can't, at this time, prove without doubt that it is an irrefutable fact, it becomes false. I disagree with that horribly hypocritical standpoint. These are the people who claim absolute truth based on nothing more than faith and pattern recognition where there are no patterns.

Evolution, or any science for that matter, does not need to verify itself beyond uncertainty. Unrevisable "truth" is the realm of the theist. Science is human's best effort to gain natural understanding. A scientist that believes what they know about science is absolute truth has missed the point. Science is a journey, not a destination.

My syntax professor admitted to the class last semester that he believed very little of what he was teaching us about current syntactic theory. This seriously blew away the girl I sat next to. She actually changed her major from Linguistics for that reason. She couldn't deal with the idea that science is not a realm of true and false (I got a very theistic vibe from her).

I love science. In some ways, I wish I was suited for a career in research science. I think that a life spent approaching understanding is the most valuable thing a person can do. But, I'm a writer. But a writer that will maintain a lifelong love affair with science.

I got off my original aim a bit (what's new?), but what I'm basically trying to say is that the black and white mentality of theism cannot and should not be applied to science. There's a circular principle at work here: the only absolute truth is that there is no absolute truth.

It's looking more like I'm going to have to start a new blog to keep these kinds of posts off this one. I just need a name for it. Once I think of a witty name, I can direct all my increasingly ardent atheistic posts over there. Then Generic Title can return to posting about guys I see peeing out the pant leg of their shorts.

The Meaning of Life

This was originally going to be a post about The Meaning of Life(TM). I couldn't organize my thoughts satisfactorily, so that will have to wait.

Instead, I'm going to discuss the Afterlife(TM)(C)(R). I never really took the afterlife seriously, even when I was a Christian. It never settled with me. The odd thing was that it was fear of hell that kept me in the religion longer than was necessary. It's an elegantly simple tactic to maintain membership.

What do I think about the afterlife now that I'm out of Christianity? I can't see it being much different than a dreamless sleep. When a person dies and the electrical signals stop firing in their brain, that's where I think life ends. There's no convincing evidence to the contrary. The only way someone can argue differently is by appealing to the divine. That is extremely suspect in my opinion.

Not believing in an afterlife does not make my life meaningless as many Christians would say. I assign my meaning in the same way that everyone else does, even Christians. I see life as worth living based on that I want to see my life play out and continue what I have started. The Christian says life without God is not worth living. To that I respond: every single person who lived and died before word of the Judeo-Christian God spread to their area.

While life has no inherent meaning, that does not make it not worth living. I enjoy daily activities and look forward to where my life is headed. That's all the meaning I need.

Looks like this ended up being about the meaning of life after all.

I didn't really mean to go off on Christians. Most of the Christians I know are really super people. I don't want to go all Uberatheist; that's not the direction I want my blog to go in. If I see myself doing more and more atheist posts, I'll start a new blog to devote to that. That's a promise I make to you, my four or so readers!

You're not reading this...

...because the world has ended.

HAPPY 6/6/6 DAY EVERYONE!

The Da Vinci Code

Why is it that there is so much uproar about how The Da Vinci Code needs to be taken as a work of fiction? When I saw it, there was no "Based on Actual Events" in the opening credits or in any of the advertisements. It said, "Based on the novel by Dan Brown."

So why is it that this movie is contested? I have my theory. It's not a popular one, but I'll share it anyway. It's important to fundie Christians to have the movie categorized as fiction so the two fictions won't mix together: Dan Brown's fiction and the Bible's fiction. The best part about the whole thing is there is actually a lot of scholarly support for some of the things in The Da Vinci Code. I just wish the idea of the sacred feminine was explored more. I could have done a little more with Isis/Horus vs. Mary/Jesus.

All the movie does is explore some other view of Jesus. If fundy Christians get so upset about alternative views of the same Jesus, how would they react to a movie that presents the more likely option: that the historical Jesus never existed?

I could write a whole novel, not about how the Greatest Story Ever Told involved a cover-up, but about how it's a complete lie. How's that for a book-burner?

On second thought

I've been doing some thinking about the "mysterious post" I referenced earlier. I got some good advice regarding it. I've decided it's not necessary. I no longer feel the need to advertise what the post would be about. It went through multiple revisions, and ultimately, it's really not worth getting into. It's not a secret by any means. However, making a big deal about it (semi)publicly is incongruous with what it was. So if anyone was looking forward to it or actually cared, I'm sorry to disappoint.

I suppose it's time

A quick sum-up of everything that's been going on, which has been more than usual. This last weekend was the busiest I've had in a long time. My sister Amanda graduated, and before the fam went to that, we visited with family members because there was a first birthday in the family. Then on Sunday, we were moving Amanda out of her apartment in Phoenix. I still hate that couch. Then we had a dinner with her roommates family at the same time my other sister Bethany and parents were at a wedding. The whole weekend was nuts, but there was boneless buffalo wings from Chilis, so everything turned out fine.

School: I've knocked down three finals and a portfolio with one final left. That's in about two hours. Then I'll be done for the semester, and it's looking as though this semester will boost my GPA which is exciting.

After that final I'll be going to my new employment. I'm pretty much done with training, so I'm going to be jumping right in. Related to employment, I'm going to be interviewing for another job on Friday. It's with OSCR. It's a low hours job, so if it's something I want to do I could juggle them. Rent in more expensive next year, so I could use more money. That and I need to get me some wheels. This bumming rides thing has been getting old. Loan money and that job ought to do it.

That's all from me. There's a post I need to do that I've been putting off because I want it to be written in a certain way. So look forward to that mysterious post. *spooky noises*

Input please

I've been toying with the idea of starting a new blog. I want to depart from the personal nature of this one to a more formal expression of my political, social, and humanistic views. It would be an exploratory process rather than a declaration. I'm only twenty, and I'm not so deluded and arrogant to think that my world-view is complete or ever will be for that matter. As it stands, Generic Title is what I would consider a ring toss. I'm just chucking out ideas. This new blog would be column-esque, and I would be holding it to a much higher standard than Generic Title.

I'd like to ask the people who read this for their opinions. You know, the multitudes. So, roommates, sister, and anyone directed here from my Facebook or Myspace profiles, do you think I ought to start this new blog? Let's hear it.

I haven't subjected y'all in a while

...so here's one of my poems I wrote for my poetry workshop. It's kind of an odd one. It started out as being about this website that is supposed to send out letters in the event of the Rapture. It morphed, as all my poems are like to do, and here is the result:

“Soul Slaw”

I’ve always pictured the antichrist
looking something like Bob Dylan on
the Blonde on Blonde album cover
except with a spangly stick used
to curse the nations of the world.

I bet that spangly stick
would fetch a pretty
sumptuous price on eBay, if I could just get my hands
on it.

That’s where I got the swastika
tattoo I use as a conversation starter.
I usually keep it
on my arm, but I wear it on my forehead
when I go out to meet woman looking for
a good time
or big, burly, bald men looking for
a hate crime.

I like my hate crimes best
with a side of slaw.
There really is nothing quite like
getting back home after a night of beating
and bashing to a ten gallon
tub of slaw waiting
to be eaten and bathed in.
A baptism in slaw
would be the thing, I think,
that would take away the sins of the world.

The baptism fonts ought to be filled
with the sin-absolving slaw, and the world
could be made right.
And in it’s new rightness, the world could
once again fall from grace at the cost
of $19.99 a month with access to dozens
of adult websites.


And you saw it first here, folks.

Illegal activities

Someone has perpetrated an illegal act against me. It seems that a Lebanese man by the name Mr Audu Mohammed and some Nigerian representatives have made a contract claim for $10.5M to be transferred to an account in Spain. The people at the Central Bank of Nigeria have contacted me via email because of some discrepancies in the paperwork. I don't know what's going on here because that contract was for $8.25M to be transferred to Denmark. Rest assured that the right phone calls will be made. I will not tolerate this breach in security. That is the last time I go to the Lebanese for a job. It was barely done within an acceptable margin of error and now this. I won't stand for it.

Space well utilized

The land use of Antarctica is:

98% ice
2% barren rock

"Jesused"

I got Jesused last night. "What does it mean to be Jesused?" you might ask. Well, to be Jesused means that someone hands you something that you think might be coupons or a discount card of some sort, but it is actually some form of what I'll call religious propaganda. I don't want it to seem like I'm going on a mission against Christianity. I'd really like Christianity if Christians actually practiced it.

"'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." Matthew 22:37-40

Am I somehow mistaken when I say that the second greatest commandment according to Jesus Christ, the Lord and Savior in the Christian faith, the Son of God, is to love your neighbor as yourself? That has to carry some weight, I would imagine. This is where I'm confused. How is it that trying to deny gays their basic human rights fulfils that commandment? That doesn't seem like a loving action to me. I know Christianity has a basic issue with homosexuality, but I'd like to challenge everyday Christians to actually back why it is that they disagree with homosexuality. "It's a sin" isn't an adequate answer. I could say fingerpainting is a sin, and it doesn't make it so. I know there are passages in the Bible that deal with this issue, but that in itself raises the issue of whether or not the Holy Bible is wholly divine. It's a book written by men, translated by men, and subject to the editing of who knows how many different rulers and teachers. Still, you ought to be able to back up your statements and give some textual evidence, and try reading your guidelines instead of getting everything from the minister. That's what the Reformation was all about all you Protestants. It argued that the common man was able to commune with God directly and ask for forgiveness and such. Isn't depending on the clergy for all your knowledge of your faith basically the same issue? How do you know they're not pushing their own agenda or tailoring the religion to their own personal beliefs? You really don't know until you go to the text yourself.

This card that I got Jesused with had the basic message that in order to be moral, one had to obey the Ten Commandments. Morality is not determined by what has become the de facto state religion of the United States. An atheist can be the epitome of morality in a general sense but since the first five of the Ten Commandments are exclusive to a Judeo-Christian faith, is the atheist therefore immoral? That's ridiculous. Christianity was once wrong until Constantine made it the state religion of the Roman Empire. Sure, Christianity is considered to the end-all religion in the United States at the moment, but it would be incredibly arrogant to think that it will always be so.

I'm telling you, Christianity would be a lot more appealing without all the Christians.

Jeezy Chreezy

I think I've figured out what "the saddest thing ever" would be. Imagine for a second if all religions were false, and they had no basis in anything more than a human tendency to reach for a divine that isn't there, to seek something more that the biological cycle of life and death. I'm not saying that that in itself would sadden me. What would be sad is that everything ever done in the name of religion would have been in vain. Every war started with religion as a motivator would have been without meaning. All the hate towards those who are different would have had no cause. The Christian right would have no purpose, but they're not really concerned with religion anyways. I think that would just be very sad.

To round out this religion based post, I'd like to say a few things about faith. I understand the basis of Christianity is in faith. I'm not denying that when I say that faith alone is not enough. It's all well and good that a person can say that they believe Jesus is their Lord and Savior and that he came and died to forgive everyone's sins. But does it seem like that's just about the extent of a lot of Christians' knowledge about the religion. I mean, it seems to me that if someone is going to vocal and proud of their religion, they ought to do the reading and be able to back up what they say about it. (Let's just leave out the fact that the New Testament, the gospels at least, was written about a century after the events it describes and that it was collects in the form we know now about 200 years after that) It looks to me that Christianity is becoming an oral tradition because most Christians tend to take the word of their pastors/priests/others in the religion. Does that seem wrong to anyone else? This really ought not bother me as much as it does. It just seems I can never escape the frustrations about Christianity I feel because it was so much a part of my childhood/adolescence. Personally, I want to believe that there's something more to life than the reproduction cycle. But just because we have language and the ability (if not the practice) of rational thought doesn't make it so. If you ever want to know why I decided to be a writer, this is the answer. I can never get these sorts of things out of my head. I'll just leave it at that since if I go over everything, I'll dismiss it as a bunch of convoluted crap and delete it.

Urinary Adventures

I would like, if I may, to tell about something I witnessed just a little while ago before the event slips from my mind. I was in the bathroom in the student union. You just know this has to be good now, huh? Well anyway, I had finished doing my business, and I was washing and drying my hands. This is when I looked in the mirror, and reflected in it was a man who had just walked up to the urinal. I saw him pulling at the leg of his shorts, and before I had fully figured out what the hell he was doing, he was urinating out the leg of his shorts. I can only guess that he maneuvered his funny business around and got it to point out the leg of the shorts. Now, this just baffled me. Why would anyone ever in the history of ever use the leg of their shorts as an escape hatch? It seems like a faulty system to me. One false move and you've got piss all down your leg without pants or underwear to help protect the sanitation of your leg. Me, I'll stick with a more traditional approach. Pants have zippers and I intend to use them. I suppose I'm just old-fashioned that way.

It's coming...

It's really starting to hit me that after these next four weeks of school, I'll be halfway done with undergrad. I know that for sure since barring some horrible cock-up I'll be completing my degree in the traditional four years. Seeing as I only need 15 units a semester to achieve the 120 credit requirement for graduation, I don't foresee a problem. I could actually add a whole second major and still graduate on time without overextending too much. I wouldn't do that because I'm a big believer in not putting in more work than I ought to. This all just really means that I'm grappling with the reality of what I'm going to do after I graduate with my personally fulfilling but otherwise thoroughly useless degree. One thing I am excited about is that next semester I'll be taking ENGL304 which is Intermediate Fiction Writing. Huzzah! With that thought I head off to bed so I can arise early to do some homework I was too lazy to do tonight and work on my new story.

One more

There a new addition to Unit 2. She's a 8 month-old puppy, a German Sheppard mix. Jesse adopted the dog he was looking at while at the Humane Society. Her name was Lady, but we all thought that was a totally lame name for a dog, so she's now called Isabelle. She's a sweet dog. She doesn't really bark either. That's a definite plus with Kia's incessant buffing at anything that comes remotely close to the house. I like her. She's a loving dog and likes to be on beds. She just to the left of me while I'm writing this actually. Jesse's off getting some doggy essentials, so since I had Linguistics to work on, I must attend to the arduous task of keeping Isabelle upstairs. That's all kinds of easy because:

1) All she's doing is sleeping
2) She's displayed behavior that she's territorial of the upstairs portion of the house
3) She has yet to navigate the stairs downwards without help yet.

It's kind of weird, Isabelle is the kind of dog that I'd like to have if I got a dog. She makes me kind of want to get one of my own instead of a cat. Four dogs might be too many in a house of three people next year. They wouldn't be able to all go on a walk at once. I'm a ways away from making a decision on this since I really can't afford to put out the $180 it would cost to get a pet. Maybe once I get a job, I'll put more serious thought into it. Jesse, I blame you and your excellent taste in dogs for making me want a dog of my own.

More Importantly

I forgot to write about the more important part of yesterday. Jesse, Kristi, and I went to look at Unit 1, our future residence. I really liked the place. It was completely tiled, and the rooms were large. The weird part about it is that when we went in with the management, the three girls who are currently renting it didn't wake up when we knocked, when Tina yelled "Management" when we came in, or when we were looking around the house including poking our heads into each of their rooms. Four people moving around a house that size would've woke me up. Bizarre.

Moving on, there was Faire today! Yay for Faire! No yay for sore feet after walking around the Renn Faire. Definitely no yay for that. I went with Jesse and Kristi, and it was most enjoyable. We quested for a hair spiral and a tiara for Kristi as closing time was approaching. Kristi was hassled by the guy selling shiny butterflies on a stick. He was a bigger guy with a thick, bushy mustache and he was hawking these spangly butterflies with streamers and everything. He must have gotten in trouble or something and that was his penance. More effective than the stocks, I'd say.

Four and a half weeks of classes. Rock!

I will prevail

We've had some pet adventure hereabouts recently. Today, we picked up a schnauzer that decided that running across Grant would be a capital idea. We put up fliers for it, and the woman who owned her soon claimed her. Not before Jesse got all attached though. So, we went to the Humane Society to look at dogs and check on Jesse's allergy quotient to cats. I miss cats so much. I spent some time with Simba when I was at my parent's house last weekend. I have decided that I want to get a cat. I want a cat because regardless of what the popular opinion says, cats are still way better than dogs. The Humane Society had a really sweet cat named Boots that I liked. There would be some obstacles, but I am undaunted. Nothing shall stand in the way of me and my goal. Nothing I say. I shall be avenged! ...I mean, get a cat. I am a little put off by the $180 I'd have to pay for the adoption and the deposit.

Update: I coughed while snacking and ended up with half of a Cheez-It Twisterz going up my nasal passages. That totally sucked. It stings in there now.

A Grievance

There's something that bothers me in relation to Facebook. Let's put aside for a moment that it's a complete and utter waste of time as well as being little more than stalker's directory. My beef is relatively minor, but reflects something a whole lot bigger. It bothers me when people list The Bible under their favorite books. I'd be willing to bet vital parts of my anatomy that a very low percentage of the people who credit this sacred text as one of their favorite reads has actually read much of it. Because let's be honest, who reads the Bible anymore? It's a lot easier to take whatever anyone in the clergy says at face value and stick with the populist view of Christianity. Why would someone claiming a religion actually read what it's actually about? That's just damned crazy talk. The bottom line: don't list the Bible as a favorite book. I'm sure you enjoyed Harry Potter or The Da Vinci Code a lot more than the handful of verses you read when you were still going to church.

A smash hit

Last semester I joined a fiction club. It was an informal meeting every other week that three people (including myself) from my fiction class went to. This semester it came about that we wanted this club made official. We are now recognized by the ASUA and get all the perks of being an official club. It's not as exciting as it sounds; all we get is a room to meet in and a listing in the clubs. Well, for the first few meeting we had, it was just me as the Treasurer and Virginia as the President. Some club, eh? This week, however, marked an exciting new chapter. It was the second meeting in a row that people other than the two of us showed up to. Watch out English & Creative Writing Club, we's gonna kick you in the buttocks. Thickening Plots all up in the hizzy.

That would make too much sense, huh?

MacGyver really ought to just carry a gun.

'Nuff said

Facebook depresses me

Spring Break, we mourn thee

Spring Break is officially over. Classes begin tomorrow, and I'm pretty sad about that. I was out tonight with friends and we were joking about how we were all going to drop out of college. The scary part about that is that the idea was seriously appealing to me. It's something I really don't think I'd ever do, but it did make a lot of sense. Me being in college is pretty useless. Once I graduate, I have to find some unrelated job in order to make money. Bartender, flight attendant, teacher, fire fighter, etc. These are all things I've considered or still considering.

I really can't complain though about classes starting again. All I have tomorrow is Japanese and I believe all we're doing is going over the midterm. That means I ought to be working on Syntax homework, but I undoubtedly won't. It's off to the shower for me. These luscious curls won't hydrate themselves.

Home Again, Home Again, Jiggity Jig

I'm back in Tucson. There's not a whole lot to report. The house was a mess when we got home. I really appreciated that. There's nothing like coming home after a week away to a dirty house. Very awesome.

In Kingman Jesse and I stopped and toured the Mohave County Sheriff's Department. That was interesting. I'm sure Jesse will go into more detail.

Once back in Tucson, we ate at Cracker Barrel. Sausage and biscuits are the yums. After that, we went to see V for Vendetta. It's an incredible movie. Go see it.

I'm back at the house now just laying about. I need to change my pillowcase now, so I'll wrap this up.

Continuing Adventures

Our adventures in Bullhead City are coming to an end soon. And what adventures there were! We went to Scooters. You tell me in all seriousness that you’re not jealous. I know you are. Anywhozzle, Scooter’s is for mini golf. It smelled like poo there. I was doing very well, but then started sucking, so Jesse beat me.

There has been cribbage at which I have kicked Jesse’s tail many a time. There has been Gamecube. We pretty much haven’t done anything that we couldn’t have done in Tucson. Oh, that’s not true. We went to Nevada. You can’t do that in Tucson. That was exciting.

That’s really all. We’ll be heading back to Tucson on Friday. Jesse got the hook-up and is going to a NCAA women’s basketball game. It’ll be nice to be back in Tucson. I don’t really want classes to start again, but there’s no helping that.

"Do you need a break from modern livin'?"

Jesse and I successfully reached the bustling metropolis that is Bullhead City. The adventures had by us have been numerous with many sure to come. Near Kingman it started snowing. Snowing. What is that all about?

There was this a BMW that we were on the level with that was doing some seriously awesome driving. It became our friend on the road. When we passed it coming near Kingman, I noticed that the driver happened to be a female type, and a cute one at that. Jesse nearly creamed himself. If he had the chance, I’m sure he would have proposed.

Jesse was also very excited by two cute girls that were in a Honda Civic. I didn’t see them, but Jesse seemed very ardent about it, so I don’t doubt him.

Here comes the exciting bit:
We had an altercation on the road with an idiot in a Dodge truck and a Suburban in front of us. Jesse and I figure that at some point we passed the Dodge earlier on, and this guy felt the need to assuage his ego by getting back in front of us. He sped up past us and gave us a look. And the look was not to invite us for tea and crumpets.

At this point, Jesse had the understandable, “Oh shit, son. No you didn’t” reaction. He wasn’t going to let the truck into what was already a fairly small opening between us and the Suburban, so got closer. The guy in true dillhole fashion, then tries to edge us out by coming into our lane, you know with us still in it. You also must understand that this was all happening within 8 feet of the Suburban in front us. So, I’m sure most everyone who reads this knows Jesse, and as you would imagine, he didn’t back down. The guy backed off, and Jesse entered a new chapter in his driving saga. He gave the guy the deuce. It was a powerful one too. I’m telling you, this sucker had oomph.

Nothing much happened until we got to the first light in Bullhead where the guy in the truck started to follow us. We knew this because his girlfriend was screaming at him and probably had been for quite some time. So we were sitting in the turn lane with the Suburban in front of us and the Dodge behind. The guy in the truck opened his door and started yelling out his door. At this point the guy driving the Suburban got clear out of the car and walked back and started yelling at the guy behind us and at us. I only really heard “motherfucker,” but it was something along the lines of “if you ever tailgate me again_______.” Fill in the blank! Aardvarks will be merry? We could no longer be BFF? His offer of road head would be null and void? Choose your own adventure!

Jesse just gave him a look. This look also did not suggest tea and crumpets. It was a calm look as opposed to an “I need to compensate for my lack of phallic length by being an asshole on the road” look. Jesse also did his thing where he wanted the guy to do something that would be a legitimate reason for busting out the Krav Manga.
The whole thing was pretty darn re-donk-ulous but funny and quite entertaining.

I’m sure there will be many other adventures to report, and I’m sure I’ll write about them, and I’m sure very few people will care much at all.

So, to the 4-6 people that read this, I hope you have a lovely and splendiferous week. I probably won’t be online much since Jesse’s house has the dial-up. (Eek!) It’s like the herpes but for internet. So take care all!

" Yes, I rather like 'Snake.' 'Snake Griffin.'"

I was starting to get stressed out last night about housing next year. Then, today I decided that was silly so I went ahead and got a house with Jesse and Kristi. I mean, stressing searching agonizingly is just such a waste of time. It's much more time efficient to wrap up a housing search in a twenty-four hour period. I don't know why more people don't do it this way. I mean, come on.

Okay, so flippancy aside, I am very relieved to know what I'll be doing next year for housing. We're actually only moving to the Unit 1 to our current Unit 2. That means moving time, hassle, and effort go way down. I am all about that. We're really lucky, as it's hard to find a place to rent that will allow a dog the size of Elphaba. She is a little bigger than the typical 20-25 pound weight limit for pets. And the best part is that we totally snaked it out from under a girl that was vacillating on it. The three of us: 1, Procrastinating girl: 0. Oh yeah.

Spring Break next week! That's exciting. It's not like I'll be going to DISNEYLAND or anything like a sister of mine I could mention. I actually have no idea what I'll be doing for Spring Break. Whatever it is, it should be more exciting than working the whole week at Tyndall garage like I did last year. We'll see.

Latest Poem

I didn't know what to write my poem on this week, so Jesse suggested writing it about Kia. Here's the result:

“Pee-yew Gee”

Begging for food with eyes bulged way out for a goldfish
cracker
Two fishbowls for cheesy little treats

A four-door sedan with a flat face and a curly tail

The asshole that puckers when you bark like a gun barrel set to fire bacon fumes of treats for peeing outside

Compact little piles waiting at the top of the stair gathered with a paper towel and flung over the balcony

A flat face unable to bite her little sister the wicked witch of the west, played by Mrs Scooby Doo

Vomit on the stairs and piss on the remote

Scar on the poochy belly where your ovaries fled from the bagel on your butt, the bagel of the smiling cream cheese thrown and deflected by a plane of wrinkles and tiny teeth

Trying to bite the air we blow in your face

We sit you in a tiny popsicle patterned lawn chair with the face of a Classic Double made Single

The little blood clot named Maureen which were puppies for a day and named after cars. The black butthole that tipped us off, being mounted by exgirlfriend’s dogs to make her a canine slut.

A canine slut buttsurfing for a good time

no snout
no neck
no dignity

The news that made my semester

So, I was making some hamburgers, and I got a call from the madre. She called financial aid to sort out the issue with my step-dad's income. If his income had to be accounted for like Grand Canyon University says it does, then I'd be pretty much screwed out of financial aid. Which I think is ridiculous. My step-dad is a teacher. Regardless of whether or not his income should count towards determining my financial aid, my parents can't afford to pay for my college. However, even though the FAFSA procedure is to report both, UofA doesn't look at the step-parent. I love the UofA. If getting to keep the money you pay rent with and not owing thousands of dollars back doesn't give you school spirit, I don't know what will.

This also means the pressure is off me finding a job right away since all the money I need to pay rent is sitting in my bank account.

The last two night, my house has been invaded, INVADED by Kristi's sorority sisters. I know Jesse has been enjoying himself. Right Jesse? Eh? Eh? *nudge nudge* No but seriously, the house is more invaded with flour. Bags of flour unto the end of the earth. The sad part is that the house is cleaner with bags of flour, bags of sugar, boxes and boxes of mason jars, and all that than it is ordinarily. Pretty sad if you ask me.

Now in closing and for your viewing pleasure and such, I leave you with some pictures of Kia sitting in a tiny lawn chair:




Aw, isn't that just the most pathetic things you've seen in a while?

UPDATE: I was walking home from class, and I saw a girl riding down Highland on a bike while smoking a cigarette. What the heck? It's like using a cell phone on a bike. Why, oh why must it be illegal for me to flog these people?

Woody party

So, I have just come from a party. A party which involved bouldering and arguments of the superiority of curling over other winter Olympic sports and Turkish dancing. It was fun. Partying really isn't my thing though. I'm too quiet for it. Wallflower, thy name is Ryan. Meh, that's all I really have to say about it for now.

Plans and things

I have a surprising amount of things going on right now. A lot for me. Tomorrow is the Woody party at Meghan and Sonja's. Then on Sunday I'm heading out to Cochise Stronghold for some climbing. That's not really much, but it's busy for me. I like to keep my life at a low stress level.

It turns out I did miss something in my academic planning confusion. I only have a year's worth of classes for my major requirements, but another year to fulfill the 120 credits for graduation. I could add on a Linguistics major and still graduate in Spring 08 or take a semester or a year and study abroad. I'm torn at the moment, but I'm leaning towards the studying abroad. I'm thinking Canada, Britain, Ireland, etc. That would be fun. There's a school in Vancouver that has a creative writing program for study abroad students rather than just English. How cool would that be? It would satisfy two of my desires: studying abroad and living in Canada for a while. We'll see though. I'm not very close to making decisions on any of this.

Moving abruptly to other things: I went and played Tennis with Jesse and Brigid. It was fun. I suck at it, but it was fun. Except for the part when Jesse hit me in the hip bone with a tennis ball. That part was not so fun. Not. So. Fun.

So... Flagstaff

Flagstaff was fun this weekend. It was kind of a random trip for me since I decided to go along for the ride, but it was fun, so yay. Sleeping was interesting seeing as it tends to get cold in Flagstaff, so when the window is open it makes it cold inside. Awesome. Me not getting much sleep isn't an unusual so I guess there's really nothing to complain about. Spencer violated a statue of a creepy little girl in Sedona. Funny: yes. Disturbing: Big ole yes.

I'm starting to peel from last week's climbing sunburn. Sadness. It kind of stinks when your ears peel.

My poem for this last week was super lame, so I won't be posting it. Look forward to next week when I'll be finishing my serial killer poem and posting it because it'll be awesome

One last thought: Boondock Saints is an awesome movie. Yes indeed. Norman Reedus's Irish accent kind of sucks though. Regardless, it's an excellent film, and gets better each time I watch it.

OMG desu!

Today in Japanese, we had a special class. There's this group of exchange students on campus from Tokyo International University and they came to our class and we talked to them. It was fun in an awkward sort-of sweaty kind of way.

Speaking of Japanese, it turns out that all I would need for a Japanese Studies minor is taking the language up through 202. So, with that, I'll probably knock of the nonsense of the Linguistics minor I was doing for kicks. That also means that I would have to take an extra 15 units of Linguistics course work. Thusly, after this semester, I'll be 32 units away from graduation. Now if we do the math, that pans out to 2 semesters remaining. Meaning a year. Meaning, no fourth year on my four year plan. There's something wrong with that somehow. One year less loan money to pay back, I suppose.

The kick to the crotch part of that is me having to decide what in the good gracious I'm going to do with myself after I get my degree. Grad school? Working odd jobs? Flight attendant? Bartender? Teaching certificate? Firefighter? I'm too young to have to decide this. Graduating at 21? How bogus is that?

I need to make an appointment with my advisor to talk about all this. Maybe get some perspective on what I should do with myself.

Dehydration

Yeah, it sucks. I learned my lesson though. Prehydration is key. That's the mistake you should only make once.

Besides that episode, climbing yesterday was fun. I'm right at the point where I know I can perform a lot better than I do, but learning to trust little crimpers and your weight on a collective space of about 2 inches is what's getting. It should only take me a few more trips to take care of that. Besides, there's no turning back now. I can't return any of my gear now. Woo.

Latest Poemetry

So this was a fun one to right.

"An Inconsequential Mormon Bar Mitzvah"

Recycled babies caught up under my car
make for slow going
down over to the liquor store.

A forty for me good sir
and another for my daughter
She's turning twelve today
so the occasion must be marked.

Marked all over my bathroom floor
Vomit spewing everywhere
A wife's scream asking why on earth

The couch is lumpy
and smells a bit like retch
The television tells me flatter abs
and tighter toosh in just six weeks

I order one for my sleeping wife
just to cheer her up
I notice she's been chubbing up a bit
She'll appreciate the thought

At work the next day
My boss says my performance has been slipping
Those vodka breaks must not be helping

On the bus home
a godless hobo wet-willied a small child
Oh those godless hobos
Ex-hippies
Failed yuppies
Fat guppies
Waiting to die

I was sitting outside Japanese waiting for class, and there was a recycling thing across from me and it all floated out from there.

Window to my Brain

On Wednesday, we did a writing exercise where we wrote while blindfolded and pulled from the subconscious. The first thing that is apparent when blindfolded is the darkness, so that's what I wrote about. This is exactly what I wrote. Errors and incoherence and all of it. I'm not exactly sure where a lot of this came from, so I hope it amuses you.

Darkness is a funny thing It makes you see in a way that you otherwise take for granted. It makes you alone in a room of 60. Just you and the darkness together in silence. Darkness is silence of the eyes. Your eyes can lie to you. Only darkness is truth. You can hide in the darkness, but the truth will always find you. It's the watcher in the night that gaurds all the most secret and precious things. Thoughts, emotions, all of that is safe in the darkness and can't hide from the truth.You can't even lie in the dark because there is no one to lie to. Why lie to yourself. It's a pointless idea. You know the truth. Can't convince yourself that lies are truth People fear the darkness. I say befriend it. It can be a useful ally Alone you have no one. Just the darkness When everyone leaves

Weird, eh?

I love my schedule

I can stay up super late on Sundays and Tuesdays because I don't have to wake up until 11:30. It's beautimous. One hundred percent beautimousness. My classes have been going well. They're all interesting/engaging/challenging, so that's a plus. In particular, I'm excited about my syntax class. What can I say? I love Linguistics. Boy howdy!

I ordered a new printer today because my Lexmark makes me sad.

Going through another phase of wanting to chop off my hair. Boo-urns.

If you want to see a 'feel good' movie with an ending that's not completely predictable, see Last Holiday. If you want to see a real life movie, watch Closer. I love that movie. People give each other the shaft. They're selfish. They're petty. They're small-minded. That's the reality. Movies with smushy ending make me sick. I know it's fiction, but does it should be based in reality. Human nature isn't fuzzy kittens and laughing babies riding sparkly unicorns. Let's get with the program, okay?

Also see Brokeback Mountain. It's the first truly excellent movie I've seen in quite some time.

Give me a job.

It's like poetry

To come back from a long absence in posting, I bring you my first poem for my poetry class. I call it, "Love So Sweet." Enjoy:

I like how you feel in my mouth
I am moved by your shape
Your form speaks to me
Touching you gives me chills
When things start to heat up, I love how you sweat
I like how it feels to break your seal for the first time
I love it when my lips touch yours
If I could, I'd have six of you
You are lovely when you dress-up
You're Cherry, Lime, or Lemon
You're Blue or Vanilla
You're Crystal Clear
You're red, white and blue
Pepsi, I love you

Oh, and I bought a tricycle at Wal-Mart. It is seriously awesome. I rode it all around the house after I assembled it. Later on, I'm going to customize it. Or, 'pimp my ride,' if you will.

Phoenix

I took my sister up to Phoenix yesterday. I would like to say that it was a nice, quick trip, but I would be telling a big, big lie. It took us over an hour to get from Ruthrauff to Orange Grove on I-10. That's about 2 miles. In an hour and twenty. So that was special.

Since it took us so long to get up there, we grabbed some dinner at Burger King. Up on the board there was a message that read "Picture Menus Available Upon Request". Who exactly is that sign for?

So, I'm officially back at the house. I've been hauling/cleaning/organizing all morning. There's still crap all over my floor, but I've had enough for now.

12 packs were $3.68 at Wal-Mart. That made me sad.

I got the clap today!

My sisters got me Gonorrhea for Christmas. How cool is that? I'm going to show it off whenever I get the chance. (You really want to click that link. I mean, really really.)

We had chimichangas for dinner tonight which has to be the best homemade meal ever. Ever. The sisters are leaving later today and then tomorrow morning. I have mixed feelings about going back to the house. I went back to pay rent and pick/drop stuff up/off, but that's all. I do want to finish cleaning and organizing my room though. I left it in the middle.

I've started reading in my spare time more. It's something I should have started doing earlier, but I'm a slacker so yeah.

I ordered Firefly and it should be coming within the next couple days. Best. Gorram. Show. Ever. It makes me want to buy this shirt.

Still no job. JobLink has one new posting and it's for a job I'm not qualified for. Need... job... have no... money... I've already drained a couple hundred from my car buying money.

Quick little bit of Posting

There's not much to say, really. I went out today to get a book with the gift certificate I got for Christmas. It's this massive reference of mythology and art of ancient civilizations. What a nerdy book, eh? I'm trying to build up my base of hard reference material outside of the internet. Hoorah. I'm not sure if I mentioned the 12 pack of Pepsi the 'rents picked up for me for 99 cents. How awesome is that? Mmmmm.... Pepsi... Speaking of which, I'm going to get me one o' thems.

New Years

It's 2006 now. Yessiree, it is. Hooo-eee, I had this roarin' bit of a hootinanny last night. I must have gone through at least eight Pepsis. Man, it was wild. I watched The Chipmunk's Adventure in my room and munched on Cheeto's. May it never be said that I don't know how to have a good time. I set a little resolution for myself. I would reveal it, but I don't want to. It also defeats the purpose of the resolution if I tell people, so you'll just have wonder at what it is.
I'm still jobless, but hopefully money won't be an issue for a while. I'm not going to press the financial aid thing until after the check is deposited in my bank account. That's probably illegal, but I really don't care. I need to pay rent somehow, and I don't want to completely deplete my car fund. I will definitely need next year not know where I'll be living or who I'll be living with. It's about time I got a car anyway. It's crossed my mind to ask the 'rents for help once I get a job, like they did for Bethany. It's worth a try at any rate.
We have a family dinner thing tonight. Most of the people are already here actually. I've taken refuge for a bit in my room. I keep wondering what possessed me to paint it orange. I was very odd in high school. Odd in a different way than I am now, that is.
There's nothing much else to report by way of break stuff other than my anxiousness for school to start up again. I should be back at the house on the 4th or 5th depending on when Bethany's flight is.